First Weekend Leave

My First Weekend Leave

Days were getting really boring at Shenton Rehab especially over the weekend because they were my rest days, there were no OT or PT sessions. Although there were no official rehabs, I did my own “secret training” and tried to surprise my therapist come every Monday. What drove me to do all these were simply the thoughts of joining my team mates in training again.

I want to do weights with Steph and Stuart on Muscle Mondays.

I want to run again with Gab, Alex, Tom and James on Intervals Tuesdays.

I want to start swimming with the team soon on Swimming Wednesdays.

I want to do the wind trainers on Spinning Thursdays.

I want to more lactic sessions with Grant on Fridays.

I want to more 5km TT with James and Charles.

I want to ride with Phil, James and gang on our Social-Ride Sundays.

I want to race again.

For one more time. To beat myself. Once more.

These thoughts kept going through my head as I lie in my bed, attempting to do glutes bridges, glutes clams and planks. Nurses often come back my bed and tell me to rest.

Nurse: Zac. Rest your body. This is weekend. Enjoy it.

Zac: This is how I enjoy my weekend =) I have no time to lose. There is no rest day in training.

Nurse: Still.. you need to rest.

Zac: ok. I will rest when im done with my workout. My team mates did these this week. I will finish these too.

Some nurses shook their heads, some encouraged me and most, just think im a nut case. When the physios told me to do 10, I would do 20. When the physio told me to cycle for 20min, I would do 25min. I always did more than what was expected. why? Because I believe in myself. I believe that I do not fall within the usual stereotype. I believe if I push myself hard enough, miracles will happen. So if that makes me a nut case, so be it. I will be happy being one.

There came this special day when my therapists were really impressed with my progress and they had a meeting which led to a new turn of events for me: maybe it is time to let Zac back into the real world.

When I heard of it, I was really happy. But this obviously came with a slight challenge (I found out later that this condition never exist. The therapists just wanted to have some fun with me). My PT told me: if you can get your left hand to move, we might consider letting you out on a weekend.

My left hand has been asleep since my accident. I have been trying. Just that there were no visible improvements.  I told myself that this is "game time" and I really really need to make this happen. I focused on my left hand and practiced really hard (it is really hard to do an exercise when from the exterior point of view, there is zero movement. I was literally sweating just trying to get my fingers to move a little). I guess I really respond well under pressure and challenges. I managed to wriggle my left fingers a couple of days later and was granted my weekend leave.

One of the first movements i got for my left hand. Hope you are able to see it move. It sure was damn exciting for my family and myself.

Before I was introduced back into the "real world" i had to be introduced to new "workouts" such as: learning to sit on the floor, standing from floor, getting in and out of the car. All these me a couple of days to learn it. I had to learn to use my good foot to pivot myself on the ground, use my good hand to push my body off, wait for body to be centered and then grab onto something stable with my right hand and then push off with my good foot while pulling hard with my good arm. These were things that "normal" people would do without thinking but it sure was hard work for me. Getting the correct coordination is a challenge on its own, let alone mention the fact that i need to harness the strength to propel my body off the ground. I had to stay positive and remind myself of the rainbow after the rain: my first weekend leave. It is such a huge motivation. 

Saturday came and it is now my weekend leave (well technically it was just a day leave). I had been locked up in the hospital compound for about a month now and it was the very first time I saw cars, bus, traffic lights and lots and lots of people. It was.. different. The view from the wheelchair was different. Everything seems so familiar but yet foreign to me. Nevertheless, I am greatful just to be out. No time to ponder about these useless theories. Gotta enjoy myself.

I had made arrangement with an alternative treatment with an acupuncturist (Well, considering the fact that I am Asian, I was no stranger to this). Getting in and out of the car was different. It was physically challenging. However, what was the toughest, was to watch my sister and girlfriend having to struggle to carry the wheelchair out of the car, assemble it and help transfer me onto it. It doesnt end there. They have to wheel me along the footpaths, across the roads to the medical hall. I used to be the one doing heavy lifting. Now, i am depending on two girls to do it for me. I am not being sexist here. It just simply broke my heart to see them go through all these trouble to bring me out. Deep down, I felt really bad. I felt useless. I felt broken. I have to recover soon because I dont want to be a burden to others. But for now, all ego, all pride has to go out of the window because I need help. I need help to get better. I need help to recover, to be less of a burden. I will return these favors one day. But for now, I will have to be dependent.

I think what people often forget is that disabled people have pride too. We dont feel good having to ask for something. If we are abled, we wouldnt have asked. How we wish we were the one who is offering help to others. My church mentor always tells me: It is a blessing to be able to provide for others. Regardless what it is. Financially or through physical labor. I never fully understood this till now. 

People, dont be shy to offer assistance to the disabled. You have no idea how happy i get when the bus driver waits for me, how much hope I see in man kind when they allow me to board the bus first. Simple things like this meant the world to a disabled person.

Crossing the road used to be easy, it aint anymore. Especially when I am on the wheelchair, having the same height as the front of the car. It seems like the car was about to crash straight into me. It was one of the times when i realised all the uphills/bumpy roads we have here in Perth. Life on the wheelchair is different. It is scary. Going back my apartment in my wheelchair is really different and difficult. Reaching for the sink is hard. Going to the toilet and into the rooms through the standardize door requires pin-point accuracy from the person wheeling me. Life is different. Life is .. different.

Thanks to my sister and shina, i was able to get the the medical hall safely. I received treatment from the acupuncturist and was asked what I would like to have for lunch. I told them I would like to have a MacDonald's meal and both my sister and shina were shocked. Mr no-fastfood has requested for the most unhealthy food choice ever. 

hey. you cant blame me ok? Need some happy food yo.

So, off to MacDonald's we went.

THIS IS THE BEST MACDONALD'S IN MY LIFE. BEST. There wont be another time close to this. I ate shit loads of unhealthy food and topped off with a dessert (well, i felt super guilty after that and went for a 40min bike ride on Monday to rectify my wrong doings). I was so excited about the meal that I actually managed to use my left hand to grab the McFlurry. Yes. This was the first time I used my left hand for something useful post-accident. MacDonald's was that exciting.

I did receive my fair share of stares when I enter in the wheelchair. Guess I just wasnt bothered or rather I have resigned to fate to being "special". I went about doing my own business, eating awesome non-hospital food. I didnt blame any of those people. I knew they were just curious, they aint looking down on me. It takes a positive mindset to see things this way. Hopefully all my mates back at Shenton will be able to understand this one day. 

I was really tired for the rest of the day but i refused to take a nap back home. I knew i could sleep as much as I want on Sunday. For now, time is really precious. Let's stay awake, stay out and do something. Good times fly by quickly and before i knew it, I was well on my way back to Shenton. I had these same feelings when i was in the army and every weekend when I was returning to camp sucked. It's like army all over again. Grrrr...

Hopefully I will get to stay out again next weekend.

Hopefully I will be able to get out without the wheelchair soon.

Hopefully I will never have to return back to the hospital.

Hopefully.

I can only pray and hope now.

I always wanted to sit on a wheelchair when I was younger. Now, i cant wait to get my ass outta this crap.

Needles. Needles. Painful Needles. 

The power of McDonald's. My first use of my left hand. Aint pretty but it sure worked. They should set up one in the hospital. Think every patient would recover faster! HA! 

I was actually that happy to put in THIS into my body. Yeah. I was THAT happy.

prepared and written by Zac Leow