[Z] to the 6699: My First Taste of being "Normal"

Having the catheter in me has become something I got used to. Having to carry around my urine bag wherever I go. There were different sizes and one of the smaller versions were small enough to be tied onto my leg and hence its easier to move around. The downside of it is: it gets full easily. So twice a day, I will have to ring my bell, notify my nurse that my man bag (that’s the term we used in the rehab hospital instead of calling it urine bag) is full. The nurse will then go grab the necessary apparatus to change the bag for me. At times, the nurse forgets about me and went to do other stuff so there were a few near cases of exploding pee bags attached to my leg, on my bed. On hindsight, its pretty funny. But trust me, it sure wasn’t during real time.

Because I have good sensation for my bladder, I can sense it when the wires are a little stuffed up and that meant unwanted pressure up my dingdong. So there was this night when I rang for the nurse and told her that there’s a lot of pressure in my bladder and dingdong but there is no flowing of fluid into the bag. The nurse came, took a look at me and told me the catheter was working fine and asked me to relax. I continued to feel uncomfortable and rang her again, telling her the situation. This time round, she got pissed at me and scolded me. So, I had no choice but to endure the pain. Soon, my bag started turning brown. Know why? Because I was peeing blood. The increased pressure must have caused some micro damage. So now, I rang the bell again and she finally went “hmm.. wow”, and changed a new bag for me.

The catheter was removed the next day and I was expected to be able to void myself normally due to my good sensation.

I tried voiding for 30minutes..

Failed.

I got my parents to leave me in my “closed” partition and tried again.

Failed.

So I decided to rest and try again later. Come on, this is peeing. This is not rocket science, this is not weight training or exercise. I am actually taking a 30min break before I attempt this activity again. No one will ever know the frustration to lose one’s ability to pee. Like come on. Seriously?! Grrrr…

After several more failed attempts, the nurse inserted an intermittent catheter to help me void. Basically, the catheter is inserted up my dingdong, into the bladder, to drain all the fluids out. When the draining is complete, the catheter is removed. Hence, I will always try to void myself in between all these intermittent catheters, hoping that I can tell the nurses to stop doing it. I seriously hate the catheters. Even till today.

Despite all the failed attempts, damaged ego and pride, feelings of self-worth, feelings of being normal, more bad news came my way. Presumably because of the bleeding incident I had previously, I was diagnosed with UTI (urinary tract infection). I started burning and my body often went into full spasm mode. I was already taking paracetamol (Panadol) at that moment for pain killing purposes and hence there was no other medication available to bring my fever down. I could only “sit on it”. Due to the Australian medical rule or something, I was NOT given antibiotics because they wanted my body to fight against the virus. The fever escalated and was often hovering around the 40 degrees zone (imagine the amount of brain cells being burned because of this). It was only on the 3^rd day that the medical staff gave in to my constant begging of antibiotics that I got my IV drip. And because of this stupid UTI and fever, I had up to 6 catheters daily. The pain every time the tube slip up… ouch..

One of the days, the nurse came in and told me to be prepared to lose my ability to pee for the rest of my life. She gave me a pet talk and asked me to prepare to learn how to use the catheter on my own. It was such sad news.. I was advised by a doctor friend to take peeing as an exercise. Do it once every 3 hours. Get the nurse to wheel me to the toilet and stand there to condition myself and to re-wire my brain. Practice peeing.

yes.

practice peeing.

seriously. sounds like asking me to do 1km repeats. But that is gonna be my best bet and.. I practiced peeing for the next few days and FINALLY. It happened. I never knew being able to pee is such a joyous occasion. Feels like I have just won the Olympics gold medal or something. It is that tough and I was that happy.

Again, thanks to the UTI, my rehab took a couple of steps back and I had to do lots of strength training all over again. I lost even more muscle mass and muscle wastage increased. I found out later that I lost 10kg during this short period of time. To begin with, me being a marathon runner, meant I didn’t have much fats/ dead weight to spare. I was named as the “Asian Kenyan” in the spinal ward.

Well, at least I am Kenyan. Built for running marathons right?

Right.

Good for running…

I will be able to run again. And the next time, I will be faster.

Because I am Kenyan now. Right?

Right.

I will run again.

There came the next stage of my rehab: aqua therapy.

I was allowed into the pool to do some rehab exercise, to get the body moving. The buoyancy of the water made it easier for me to stand, walk and even move my left arm. I really enjoyed the session alot and so much so that my physio told me "mate, i have never met someone who is as happy as you to be getting wet. Are you sure you are a runner and not a swimmer?" ha. almost told her i was trying out for triathlon. almost.

So after all the strength training session, i was still going strong and I wanted more. I wanted more challenges and I wanted to feel more "normal". My physio then asked me a golden question: Do you want to run.

Immediately, I turned and I started running. Running into freedom. Running.. has set me free and made me forget all my troubles all over again.

Finally "RUNNING" again =)

Moving the left shoulder and arm is hard work for a spinal patient. Didnt know this till i became one. We have taken all our "normal" movements for granted