If your guy is suddenly saying no to potato chips and yes to the
gym, you might want to ponder with whom, exactly, he's envisioning sharing this
revamped physique -- it might not be you. And if you've been
spending more time working out lately, you also might be contemplating the
single life, according to a new study.
The University of
Heidleberg study -- which tracked over 2,000 people, ages 16 to 55 -- found that
a coupled-up person's sudden interest in getting fit could indicate a desire to
head for the hills. It also found that -- surprise! -- single people as a rule
weigh less than those who are in relationships. (Ah yes, the old "love chub"
theory.)
The conclusion, then, is that when we're thinking of making a
break for it, we start slimming down and buffing up to prep for our re-entry
into the dating world.
Dr. Ian Kerner, sex and relationships counselor
and founder of GoodInBed.com, acknowledges that a sudden frenzy for
fitness could be a warning sign in a certain context, but on its own, it could
actually be a good thing. While Kerner has known "plenty" of people who go on
"workout binges" right before -- or even months before -- a breakup, he says
exercise enthusiasm can just as easily be about health and fitness, pure and
simple.
"Losing weight or getting in shape on its own is definitely not
an indicator that people want to break up; it's an indicator that they want to
take care of themselves," Kerner says.
But, Kerner says, it's important to look at the big
picture. Here are five signs that, alone or coupled with someone's sudden
affinity for 6 a.m. elliptical sessions, indicate your twosome might be in
troubled waters:
1. You don't have anything to talk about.
If you
find yourself bored and disinterested, or feel like he's not putting as much
effort into conversations as he used to, Kerner says you're in shaky territory.
2. You don't care about the people who are important to him (and vice
versa).
If either of you starts showing a real lack of interest in your
partner's friends and family, or stops making an effort to do things that are
important to the other person, that's a clear sign at least one of you is
checking out.
3. Someone's suddenly a workaholic.
"Throwing
yourself into work and making yourself a lot less accessible than you used to
be," says Kerner, "or doing anything, really, that upsets the schedule and
rhythm the two of you might have established together" -- is a clear warning
sign.
4. You only seem to hang out in big groups.
When romantic
dinners for two turn into endless occasions for socializing, chances are there's
a reason you're avoiding intimate moments as a couple.
5. You're not
supporting each other.
Is he making underhanded or passive aggressive
comments that chip away at your confidence and self-esteem? Or do you find
yourself belittling him in front of his friends or denigrating his ideas? In a
healthy couple, each partner has the other's back.
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