I have heard of bed
sores, but never experienced one. Trust me, it is something no one should ever
experience. It crept in one night while I was asleep. It was so painful that it
woke up me. I pressed the bell and asked the nurse for help, requesting for a “turn”
and a back rub. (During a turn, my arms will be folded in a cross posture and 1
nurse will have to be holding my neck and head, 1 nurse will be pulling my
torso towards her/him, 1 nurse will be pushing my legs away from her/him and 1
nurse will be giving me a numbing cream back rub. Yes, it takes a team to make
a paralysed patient turn. I felt relatively degraded and it serves as a
reminder to me that I am paralysed. So naturally, I didn’t like being turned
although I still got turned because I know its good for me.)
Zac: Nurse, my back is in pain..
Nurse: Oh, I think it is the bed sore. I will just give you some pain killers
Z: Can I please be turned and get a back rub?
N: Im sorry, the turning team wont be around till 2 hours later. You will have to bear with it. Hang in there ok?
Z: Is there nothing you can do for me? Please?
N: no. But I will get you the pain killers. It should take about 15 minutes to take effect.
It seemed so long before
the pain killers kicked in. It felt like there is something biting into my
flesh. It felt like my back is burning. I am sinking deeper and deeper into the
bed and the bed is literally ‘eating” me alive! #someone call ghostbusters.
From then on, I look
forward to every single turn. I started counting time by the number of turns
I have gotten and also “how long more before my next turn”. Yes. Being flipped and toss around like a
sausage became something I look forward to. It was no longer degrading or pride-hurting.
Initially, I wanted to
keep the injury away from my parents. I didn’t want them to see me in such a
state. I didn’t want them to see their beloved son, who was last seen healthy,
fit and running marathons turned into a paralysed motionless son. Yet, I want
to be in their comfort, to be pampered by them. Fortunately/unfortunately they had been informed of my accident and they immediately decided to fly in. such is the love of parents.
The day came and I
knew my parents had arrived. I could sense their presence in the walkway. I
could hear their footsteps, which became so distinctly familiar. Unfortunately at that point in time, I was in the crucifix position and it only made the image worse for them. I will never
forget the moment when they came into the room, stood there, rushed
towards me. I could only see them from the corner of my eyes because I was
lying flat and I could not lift my head nor turn to see them face to face. They
couldn’t hold back their tears, they wanted to hug me but they couldn’t. All
they could do was to touch my hands, while I try not to scream (hypersensitive
arms). “Everything will be alright.
Daddy and Mummy are here” they kept saying. I fought hard to hold back my
tears. I have never, and I mean never, saw my parents so sad and helpless. I
felt so useless; I felt that I had done something terribly wrong to put my
parents through this ordeal. Then, I saw my other half. She was crying as well,
trying not to let me see her breakdown. Then everyone left me for a while,
controlled their emotions, and came back in. Nurses started explaining my
conditions to my family and emotions slowly settled down as the day passes. I
must say, this was the first time my parents didn’t F me at the hospital. In the past, they
would always F me when i am admitted into the hospital, may it be acl tear or car crash. I would always get a
good F-ing from them. This time round, I must have been in a really bad state that broke their
hearts so badly that they could not bear to scold.
I have been told that
I am a fighter and my determination is superb, but to me, my parents are the
real deal. I believe it is much harder for them than for me. They have put in
so much hope, so much attention, so much love into me and yet this all seems
like it is all over. Everything became useless. I have disappointed them. Again.
They are the real champions in my life. They are the real fighter. My other
half is also extremely capable. She contacted my insurance company and settled
all the administrations issues. I am indeed blessed.
One of the highlights I
had during this period of time was me having an OD (over-dose). Somehow, I was given too
much morphine, too much catecholamine and too much concentrated oxygen which resulted in my OD. The moment
I recognised something was wrong, I rang the bell to inform the nurse that I am
starting to hallucinate. But it was all too late. The room was flipped, people
had “cone heads” and obviously im very very happy and it felt super good and
there was nothing they could do but to let the OD go away by itself. So.. I
relaxed myself, drifted into this relaxed world and enjoyed myself. For the
first time since the accident, everything felt so damn good and awesome. Quite
an experience for me to OD. So anyways, I woke up the next day feeling smashed
and the doctors took away my morphine from then on (Boooooooo....) and I welcome “pain” back into my
life. A lot more pain. Somehow, i really felt i was built for this accident. The amount of pain I go through every second, every moment someone touches me is immense. Lucky for me, I have learnt to acknowledge pain, embrace it and move on with it. Thanks marathon.
In the next few days,
my parents would visit me from 9am till 7pm, keeping me company, giving me
whatever massages they could, feeding me my liquid diet and also chat with me. This was where my sports science knowledge came
into good use. I was able to direct my parents to give me specific massages to
the main muscle groups, to keep them loose and also to move my limbs a little
because I know that muscle wastage was kicking in. I needed to retain as much
muscle mass as I can so that I will have sufficient strength and muscle mass to
carry out my rehab. Truly, rehabilitation starts before regaining any muscle
movements.
 |
| Regrettably, this was how i met my parents. |
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